The day after Christmas, with Teresa set back by both the failure of family plans to materialize on Christmas, on the NY side, and the fact that her car was still not finished being repaired, I offered to pick her up. This had the second benefit of getting her out of the house before Lydia returned from FL, where she'd spent time with family, and gone through airports, etc, so presented an infection risk. This quarantine time would ensure nothing passed to Teresa.
Well, this visit ended up lasting until January 16, because Lydia DID get COVID!
Things we did:
• T gave me her first official professional-style full body massage
• Dressed everyone in Dolphins gear for a football game
• Realized we'd had our 7-month anniversary
• T attended lots of PMA group classes
• Remotely joined Lydia to watch Ink Master
• Good lazy vibes turned into restless vibes, and we took some walks and drives
• Offer T made on Puerto Rico accepted, and we celebrated by dressing up and going to Cheesecake Factory in West Hartford
• Played some Unravel 2 together on Xbox
• On 1/11, I awarded T the first stripe on her white belt!
• Much learned about communicating, and space. The kind of lessons that would prove vital were we to live together on a permanent basis
One thing that came up over the time Teresa was at the house was her perception that things she did that violated my normal routine, or that sparked in me a need for greater space were breaking "rules" of mine. In a text after the visit, I wanted to assure her otherwise, admitting I can come off as rigid about my needs, but even I can laugh at that inclination:
"Helio Gracie was notorious for being a hard-ass, which coupled ferociously with his strong, opinionated beliefs that there was a best way to do everything. That meant jiu jitsu, but everything else, too, down to driving practices, and even sandwich-making. I have an Helio in me, no doubt, but wrapped in a rest-of-me that is open to new ideas, and interested in best adapting to new information when presented. I think it's fair, and maybe a good prescription, to playfully regard my inner Helio, rather than take him too seriously. By (gently, but) laughingly calling out the peccadillo, it loses its seriousness and potential power as an underminer of the relationship. I'm open to this levity from you about what you perceive as "rules," when you start to feel that way. There isn't a right lightswitch to flip, and I know this. I thought of this inner-Helio idea, and can laugh at it, myself, too."
I include it here because I believe this moment was a self-reflection, and a prescription that represents the kind of open, self-honest communication that became our brand, and also because this specific approach helped us later, anytime a side of us would come out that we could identify and laugh at together, to disarm its ability to bristle.
One thing I can say about this stint of time together, that was also true about the increasing time T had spent with me in CT, generally, so far: it all felt seamless. I never felt a sense of encroachment, and found that she was truly welcome to be near me, and in the house with me, in every moment. I never felt we took things too fast for my comfort, despite their objective fastness. She just fit in my life perfectly.
Sometime before now (maybe even fairly early on), I offered that T could leave things (clothes, etc) here, if she wanted, since visits were getting frequent. She reported, later, that this offer had been exciting to her, but that she'd had to come around to accepting the offer a little bit later. Whereas she reported a reaction to, and reasonable thoughts about, what it all meant, I can honestly report that I never thought twice about needing my space, or what anything meant, beyond my consistent draw toward the deep comfort that having her with me provided.
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